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07 June 2016 @ 11:04 pm
Returning to a Refuge  
It's been three years, but I can still smell the fresh paint....

I started this journal over ten years ago, at a time in my life when I needed somewhere to express the parts of myself I never felt comfortable sharing with the real world. Back then I was 16 years old and about to start my penultimate year at high school; I was obsessed with romantic fiction, Doctor Who, and musical theatre. I was just about to embark on the stressful adventure of taking my A-Levels and the biggest thing I had to worry about was what to wear to school the next day.

Now, ten years later, I'm in my 26th year, high school is a distant memory, and I find myself once again in need of a refuge for a part of myself the world never sees. This time however it's not Lydia: the kooky, nerdy fangirl, needing an outlet, it's Lydia: the lost twenty-something, struggling to cope with Anxiety and Depression.

In general, I have become much better at expressing my feelings publicly. Since seeking medical help for my poor mental health back in October, after many years of suffering silently, I feel much more comfortable opening up. I go to therapy every week, I talk about it often on social media (as much as a way of raising awareness and understanding than anything else), and my family, from whom I desperately hid my problems for years, are all aware of what's going on, and, thankfully, have been incredibly supportive.

Sometimes however I just need to talk about things I feel I can't talk about with people I know. It's strange, but there's a sense of safety in expressing yourself freely in text online, knowing that you won't have to cope with any instant reaction. And that is why I find myself back here, on a website that is unrecognisable to the one it was all those years ago, but still, in spite of everything, remains a refuge.
Sarah Black: Hugsarahblack on June 8th, 2016 10:31 pm (UTC)
I'm glad LJ is a refuge for you. And congrats on reaching the 10 year milestone!